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Doggy teeth, work and sleeplessness

August 21, 2008

You know what I did yesterday? I bought myself a pair of riding pants! (Sorry, Lorna, for the American word. The other alternatives in my dictionary seemed all weird: Riding breeches or johdpurs! Are those actually real words???) Anyway, I’ve never owned any kind of trousers that expensive!

The tooth ferry has been busying herself around the world. She stole a tooth from Aphra’s James and evidently stumbled at her feet at our house: Yesterday I found - on the living room floor - an old dog tooth! And it was way too big to be a milk tooth from either of our small pooches - rather it looked like one of the smaller side teeth from our late Old Lady (with dental calculus and all) - and she’s been gone for almost a year already! And no permanent teeth were missing from either Pepe or Moriz. Yeah, I checked - or tried to: The boys weren’t really co-operative, but I could FEEL the teeth were there…

September is looking really bad/busy work-wise. Well, for a while now I’ve known it’s coming, but the truth is starting to become reality: From the 11th until 15th afternoon (including Sat and Sun!) I’ll barely have time to go home to sleep some. And all days will be in Espoo (=2 hours driving on top of the 12-14 hour working day). And from the 16th there will be even more evening work, maybe 4-5 evenings - in Espoo, of course. And before these mega days arrive I suspect I’ll be travelling back and forth a lot more than normally… Financially that’s good, of course (at least for the tax bear) because I get paid for overtime as well as the kilometers - and also a daily benefit for working away from my home town. I’m just suspecting people will be pretty restless already when that Sunday evening arrives - not to mention the end of the following week!

But at least there will be a small break on Monday evening so I get to go to the riding class :)

This morning I woke up at 5 am. No I’m not an early bird - never was - but I was wide awake again. I even considered leaving for work right away, because I was heading for a meeting in Espoo at 9 - I could’ve avoided the heavy traffic! However, I tried to snooze off a bit more to avoid sleeping in the meeting. Only it didn’t really happen so now by 2.30 pm I’m really tired already.

*yawn*

-e-

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Houston we have a problem

August 19, 2008

Today Lorna wrote about tides. How life is so very busy it’s actually exhausting. To tell you the truth, I think her “normal” schedule already is more than exhausting - so if she claims to be in over her head, I don’t even want to know what’s that!

I’ve been in similar thoughts. There has been so much extra - moving MIL, all kinds of weird visits to various places, zillion birthdays, retreats, work starting, swimming school, school starting, retreats, riding stuff… that our life has felt like an irregular chaos. I think that’s been the main reason for Miss 8’s difficulties in the evenings, too: She’s a lively, energetic kid - and very smart, too. But not only that. She’s also very sensitive and that combined to her vivid imagination isn’t always very good. That seems to be the case especially in the evenings. However, we’ve discussed it, I’ve heavily restricted her sugar intake and forbidden coffee, tea and coke from her, and a couple of nights now have been going better. Thank you for your prayers - but I really appreciate if you keep praying for her.

Last night I woke up at 3 am. BLING! “What? Is it morning already? 3 am? Can’t be!?” Well, it was. I think for a couple of hours I kept forcing my eyes shut and trying to silence my roaring brain, until I drifted into a sort of drowse - I was not really sleeping but wasn’t awake, either. I thought I was still awake, and yet the alarm woke me up at 8.

An hour later, while driving to work in a sleepy coma, I thought of my way of doing things. A friend sort of said the essence of it years ago. I had bought a car seat to Miss 11. She marched into a store and bought the same kind. “Because I know you’ve investigated it thoroughly that it’s the best there is.” Boy was she right - I had not made my decision until after hours of surfing the net and reading comparisons and tests from the magazines. And that’s how I dive into things in life. Thoroughly. With all I have and then some.

Why is it that God made me like this? Full speed ahead, when something surfaces!

It can be writing. When that gear is on it’s all I can think about. While eating. While watching TV. While driving to work. Even while sleeping! “What to write about this? How to arrange the words? Which words to use to avoid cliches?” Then I find myself making music - no room left for coming up with new subjects. It’s only the words I’m working on that get any attention from me - how to fit them into the music.

Next I find myself playing with a camera. So be it - I almost even sleep with the d**n thing! Can’t even concentrate on my driving, because I constantly keep looking targets to shoot. Not a slightest idea left for writing - not to mention music. It’s as if the world has run out of the tiny round black notes!

Some 15 years ago it was dogs - now it seems the horses are taking all my attention. And in the meantime everything else is forgotten. And it makes mee feel guilty. If I write, I feel guilty for neglecting the music and photography - but when the camera remains busy the unwritten words are whining that I’m not fair towards them.

A horrible thought rises from this: Instead of a feminine spaghetti brain I have a tube brain that’s incapable of multi-functioning!

Seriously, finding a balance is truly very, very, very difficult.

Right now I’m hoping to get life into a regular rythm. At least as much as it’s possible in this family. Maybe it’ll help some. Then I need to teach myself some reasonableness (a horrible word!) - and especially to ask God to give me some of that.

-e-

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Proud mom

August 18, 2008

Riding today - fun! Especially since I got my favourite horse again :) Athough he was a bit weird - kept stumbling at his feet during trot so that I really had to be careful not to fall off :D Before the class at the box he snuggled to me and kept begging for scratching. Sweet boy - I was all smiles when taking him to the training ring - people must’ve thought I was a bit odd :)

Miss 11 got her big and colourful speeder and was happy for that. Miss 8 got to test the small shetland pony who’s quite a character. She’s been wanting to test him, so it was great :)

But what really made my day - or my week… No, my MONTH was something the riding school owner told me: Our teacher is her daughter, and she had said to her that “eija’s girls are so wonderful!” and that she really likes them. And they love it how they behave and how enthusiastic they are.

SOMEONE LIKES MY GIRLS AND THINKS THEY ARE WONDERFUL!

Seriously - is there anything that could make a mom feel more proud and complimented?!

-e-

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Today’s bread

August 17, 2008

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.

1 Corinthians 1:26-29

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Wet, wet, wet!

August 16, 2008

I told you yesterday that I was tired. Well, if that was tired, I don’t know what’s this I am now!

In the morning it rained. You know - grey world, darkish, some wet stuff falling from the sky? Yeah, that. But still - the girls and I hopped on our bikes and cycled 6 km in the rain. My camera bag was inside a plastic bag, because the gear bag isn’t weather proof. It was the first longer ride for Miss 8 and her new bike so there were many stops and some walking at the uphills and steepest downhills when she was too afraid to ride.

Rainy fashion showWhen we got to the competition place we were pretty wet. And it was still raining. With a wet coat, wet hands and wet air I didn’t even think of taking out my camera! Miss 8 was bored and cold. I placed her next to the hot grill and bought her a hot sausage. Then some coffee and sandwich with me and Miss 11 and my sweater on top of her own clothes, and she was a happy camper again. The rain stopped, too, so I could use my camera to take this priceless top model shot :D

We arrived too late to see the Finnish horse class, but in the next class there was an amazing, huge Finnish horse stallion. He was sooooo beautiful, and when we went to the trailers we got to pat him - and he was such a sweet character, too! Also his owner and rider were really nice and friendly. We kept our fingers crossed for him. After his own turn he was the first and we were so happy that even in the final results he made it number three in his class!

Here, Lorna, Lemmin Vintiö (a.k.a. Lemminkäinen), galloping around the arena (there was no beach, sorry…) after receiving his bow :)

Finnish horse Lemmin Vintiö

I just loved his thick, red mane - with some sunshine it would’ve been like fire! His huge, sturdy build isn’t quite usual for dressage, but he managed beautifully. An amazing horse! Needless to say I have about one zillion photos of him…

After the bike ride back home we were done. Miss 11 had called Mr Right to make the sauna ready - and sweaty, wet and exhausted we hit the sauna and the shower right away. After that we dived into the fish soup Mr Right had cooked, like a heard of hungry wolves. For dessert Mr Right made pancakes with ice-cream :)

After dinner Miss 11 and I went through the letter (in English) she had written to her Dutch pen pal. I was impressed how good and fluent it was! Then the girls played a computer game together (horses, of course…) and there was a lot of giggling again!

Now it’s 10.30 pm and I’ve been ready for bed since 7 pm! Can’t turn in this early, though, because I’d just end up waking up at 2 am and then turning and tossing around the rest of the night.

Anyway, it was a great day with the girls and worth every discomfort *grin*

And the Finnish rider Kyra Kyrklund made it to the finals in dressage in Peking!

-e-

PS. Prayers for Miss 8 are appreciated. She’s always been good to go to bed and fall asleep in the evenings - only these days it’s constant running to the bathroom (it’s been checked, there’s nothing wrong with her medically) and back to downstairs crying about it and that she can’t sleep and this and that. For some reason she’s too wound up or stressed or something.

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Coconut-chicken sauce

August 15, 2008

a.k.a. Fire carrot sauce

(When Miss 11 was small she couldn’t remember the word for chili peppers, so she called them “fire carrots”)

Lorna asked me for this recipe. I got it from a friend when Miss 8 was really small, I think about two-three months past her first birthday. We all like this very, very much and it’s also ultimately easy to make. However, these days, after certain accidents(* with the fresh chili I’m settling with chili powder instead. But the “real” thing does taste better! Anyway:

Note: Be very careful with the chili. Fresh chili is actually dangerous! When chopping it it’s best to use disposable gloves - and after chopping wash all the equipment thoroughly. Do NOT put your fingers into your eyes before washing them - also wash thoroughly under the fingernails!

You will need:

2 packages (700-800 g) marinated chicken strips (honey and fruit marinades are good for this one)
2 cans of mandarins
1 can (400 g) coconut milk (light one - 10% fat - from blue dragon is great for this)
Fresh chili pepper, chopped
(edited to add: This means those small, about 5 cm/2 inches long, pointy, hot, red chili peppers)
Some thickening - I use Ohrakas, it’s easy to add in
(Salt, if necessary)

1. Fry the meat on a pan.
2. Add the mandarins (and all the juice too), coconut milk and chopped chili. Mix and let the stuff start to boil.
3. Add the thickening, what ever you use, according to the instructions.
4. Let it stew for a while.

Serve with boiled rice and carrots cooked in honey-tarragon water.

Yummy!

*) Once I ended up with a horrible, burning rash despite washing my hands three times after chopping the stuff. Another time Miss 8, when she was a baby, was served a fresh chili strawberry - Mr Right cut the berry with a wrong knife! Needless to say, for a while after that seeing a strawberry made her scream…

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I’m here allright

August 15, 2008

* * * Warning of Gloominess ! * * *

Lorna hinted in her comment that I should post more often. Well… To tell you the truth, I find myself wondering (once again): “Why?” I don’t see many people visiting my blog (other than the spammers who luckily are caught by my spam filter) - and why should they? I mean who cares how I spend my days or what happens in my life, other than a couple of friends - of which Lorna is one (and even she doesn’t want to read about the riding stuff)? For them an e-mail or a phone call or a chat would do it, there’s no need for any long-winded blog posts.

* * * Warning of outpouring of a broken soul * * *

I’ve always been a “loner”. I never was the girl who could choose between friends, who always had a herd of buddies around her. I was the one others came to if they had no-one else at the moment. I was the one who had to somehow “earn” her time with others. I wasn’t fun or interesting enough as I was. (Ok, I’m making even me cry here!)

Today I have it wonderfully: I have God. I know He loves me even if no-one else does. But I also have two wonderful daughters who (still today) look up to me. I have a couple of friends, specifically Lorna (although distant) and H (too busy, but usually finds time for me if I take the initiative first). So it’s not bad at all really.

However, all the rejection throughout my entire life has left serious marks into my heart. I find it difficult to trust in people’s friendship. I’m just sort of waiting for the day when they’ll leave. Because they will, for sure - everyone always has. And therefore I’m finding it difficult to open up - when they leave, it’s easier if I’ve kept them at an arm’s distance. And talking about my life, me? Ooh, nooooo… I’m so boring, I don’t want to talk about my stuff - it’ll just alienate everyone! Slowly they’ll creep out and never come back to the place of ultimate boredom. And silence after I’ve spoken (or written) gives me the creeps.

I think that’s also why I find it so difficult to comment blogposts of others: Everything I can think of sounds so stupid, so irrelevant, so… worthless. So more often than sometimes when I’m reading blogs out there, I click the comment link, stare at the empty box… maybe type something - then erase it and go away. Pathetic, huh?

So maybe that’s the reason why God tossed me into the Bloggityland. To learn to be me despite of everyone else. To learn not to apologize for existing. I don’t know. I just know that my blog bores even me!

* * * End of gloominess and outpourings * * *

Yess, it’s Friday. The autumn has really come - yesterday I had an Espoo day again and next week I’ll go there at least on Monday and Thursday. They continued my contract there, so the driving too will continue at least for now. And I suspect at the end of August and at least for the first half of September I’ll be pretty much living there because of the “hot” project. Well, financially that’s good - my nerves are an entirely other thing.

H’s mom’s birthday today. Am I bad for hoping they don’t expect us there for coffee? I have a couple of projects at home that need to be finished. Also, not feeling very sociable - I’m really tired and rather discouraged about certain domestic issues.

Sat and Sun there’s a riding competition in our town. The girls and I are planning to go see it, but the weather seems ugly. Rain and wind - and I won’t have a car, because I promised it to my mom for the weekend. So we’ll see what happens. No fun cycling there (I think around 8 km one way) in the rain, then watching the horses in the rain and finally cycling back home in the rain!

PepeBut today the weather is gorgeous. Trying to do according to Saija’s post here. It’s a great advice and a beautiful photo :)

Oh, and I bought myself a new tele zoom lense. Finally. Not sure I like it though… Tried it on Pepe - but he wasn’t feeling like a photographic model at the time :D

-e-

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Life around horses and a birthday

August 12, 2008

I really, really should be working, but I just can’t find any motivation for it…

Lorna reminded me that today’s Miss 8 was Miss 5 when I started blogging - wow, how the time flies! Yesterday’s birthday went pretty much un-celebrated (as planned), so we’re doing it today. I was away for the weekend and in the evening we had the riding, so any partying wasn’t really possible.

The riding yesterday was… Ok, I don’t know what it was, but at least Miss 8 was very, very, very happy: To honour her birthday the teacher gave her her favourite horse. The flaming red Maias - he’s the most beautiful horse there, despite his height with an amazingly sweet character - and a very soft step.

So far I’ve had the very same horse (Regaal) on every class but one. I was getting to know him pretty well already - and I think vice versa too. Last week we got along very well indeed and I felt I had actually learned something! This week our regurlar teacher was back again. She said “I’m giving you shock treatment today!” and gave “my” sweet Regaal to Miss 11 (who was far from happy about that) and Miss 11’s favourite (Etalon) to me. Ouch!

The first time Miss 11 had E she didn’t like him at all. Well, I didn’t either! I think from the minute I collected him from the box he knew he’d be having a blast. The first target was a pile of hay behind the corner. I managed to keep him away from that, though - as well as all the flowers and other “veggies” sticking their heads towards the riding ring. While riding he just slouched on - slouch… slouch… slouch… - no matter how hard I kicked him! And when I wanted to turn he was determined to go straight. And his trot! Oh boy is that ever bouncy! So rising to trot, trying to turn the horse, kick some more speed into him, listening to the teacher in addition to this and that all at once… Sheesh! The teacher was very encouraging, though, and finally on a circle I got complimented for the evenness of my circle! And towards the end of the class E seemed to give up testing me at last - maybe he finally realized I’m not letting him go his way and the only way to gain any praise or pats was to obey - so it was kind of a victory for me :) And back in the box I patted him real good and gave him some bread.

This morning the girls went back to school again. I gave them orders what to do when they get back home - empty the dishwasher, take the clean laundry into their wardrobes… In the evening we’ll have a house full of relatives for a birthday party. My mom is doing the baking, but after work there’s still a lot to do for me too. Even though Miss 11 and Mr Right cleaned during the weekend, the house needs a final touch - one that’s not a small one!

I’m not in the mood for any social gatherings. But I’ll survive. However, I’m very much looking forward to tomorrow and “normal” life!

-e-

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Goodbye, Miss 7

August 11, 2008

…and welcome, Miss 8 !

Happy Birthday, sweetie! Enjoy your new bike but please be careful, will you?

Happy Birthday

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Home again

August 10, 2008

Phew, I survived the weekend! But I am exhausted. Sort of. Sleeping doesn’t really happen during these weekends, so I’ll probably struggle quite a bit tomorrow at work! But I’m telling you, it was worth it!

So, I didn’t post anything. And I didn’t even open any horse photos. What I did “do” was hear God a lot. Many things just sort of snapped in their places - it was like “seeing” dozens of threads in a frayed, uneven net going from one knot to another. Old issues. New issues. Ancient issues! All connecting to each other, one by one. It was weird, really weird - but great! I also talked with H (it’s been a long while since the last time, so it was really necessary), got prayed for a few times and even testified on Saturday. Oh, and naturally played my flute a lot (ask my aching back muscles if you don’t believe me). Also I met some really awesome new people, in particular one pastor-lady. And of course many old, dear aquaintances/friends.

Oh, and I prayed for healing for H and blessed her (she had a horrible flu). You might see it as nothing and obvious - that’s how it should go for us Christians - but for me it really was a biggie. Maybe it’ll be a normal, automatic thing for me some day (I sure hope and pray so!) but for now it is not. It requires 20 extra doses of courage (at least that much)! She didn’t get well but miraculously was able to sing all those songs through the weekend!

My unenthusiastic expectations about the retreat and hiding behind an “I’m all good -mask” became a great weekend that left me with loads of things to chew on during the following days/weeks/months, along with a keen anticipation of what the future holds for me. I’m looking forward to the God-things, not the man-made suggestions like H and I going to Spain to play in the Finnish church there, or making a CD. Not that I’d object if those things happened too :D

The evening service at my own church was… well, a bit foggy. We had an old friend as a visiting speaker and it was good to see him again. But sadly, for me (only because of the fogginess, it was a really good service, I think) the highlight was during the altar service, when H and I were playing. She sneezed through an entire verse - I got the giggles so bad that I had to take an extra pause in the playing :D But I believe God has a great sense of humor so don’t even try telling me it must’ve annoyed Him!

Now, bed. In the morning work. Then preparing the house for visitors on Tuesday and at 5 riding. Then maybe some baking… Tomorrow it’s time to say goodbye to Miss 7. But more of it and all other things too some other day.

Have a blessed week!

-e-

PS. Sorry if the fogginess shows in my writing too…

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